God?

Never Denying God - Just Questions For God I cannot breathe I’m gasping and holding in tears. How long can I deceive And fight back my fears? Life is unraveling One thread at a time Faster and faster I’m starting to unwind. I’m searching for answers They’re getting harder to find Soon, very soon Complete sorrow will be mine. I feel ungrateful Do I constantly whine? Not a month ago I felt perfectly fine. How quick things turn sour, Where is my life going? I feel I’m losing my grip, I don’t like not knowing. Satan is skillfully stitching, Rethreading my life post haste, Stitching uncertainty and doubt I feel like I’m losing life’s race. I am not in control, I’m fighting to hold on Please save me Lord Jesus, Everything’s terribly wrong. Work is almost unbearable, Daily disappointment keeps coming, Give me patience, mine is terrible The littlest upset and I’m off running. Confused at a crossroad, Which one do I take? I’m stuck in the middle, Afraid to make a mistake. This weight on my shoulders Is quite heavy to bear I’m sinking in quicksand God are You there? I give to You my burden Please Lord, take it all. I am weakening God I’m afraid I will fall. I’ve heard if I ask, That I will be able to receive, It’s a much harder task Than I would have believed. Okay You take them…. I’m shutting my eyes in suspense. Did my prayers not reach You? Life doesn’t make sense. I want to give You my worries, What more can I do? I know I’m missing something I’m asking You… “Where is this light, In this tunnel?” I’m blinded “If I give You my plight, Will You help me find it?” Frustration is nothing This feeling I can’t explain It burns my inside A source of constant pain. I think it’s my heart, It’s been broken too many times, I’ll take the lead of my sister, And sort it out in rhymes. I can sense in my family A deep longing for peace Struggling daily for something To make their pain cease. Sighs are constantly exhaled, They speak of defeat, Not able to express in words We fall at Your feet. We trust in You God, You know what You’re doing But we yearn for some answers To the pain we’re enduring. Why us? Why now? What haven’t we learned yet? I know the answers are waiting In heaven for us We’ll go through this struggle Relying purely on trust. Relying on faith Is hard to do Help me stay strong And focused on You. Faith like a mustard seed That’s about all I’ve got That’s all You need And all I’ve brought. I want to bring more And sometimes I do My fists hold it tight, But it seems to fall through. I’ve cried to You before About what weighs down my heart Why I cry to You at night Alone in the dark. I constantly think I debate in my mind I battle my logic And question the divine. I struggle with reason Of things beyond my grasp Why You do things And jump us through circus rings. You have a plan Designed for us all I do know You hear me You answer my calls. I chose not to hear them Not just yet You’re dealing the cards And I’m afraid what I’ll get. You see, there is something I secretly wish, A desire for my sister To never finish. I’m selfishly hoping I secretly pray Your purpose for her Is not finished today. I hope You need her here For a long long time Don’t take her to Your world I need her in mine. I’m afraid how I’d take it If You said she were through If You took her from us And said “That’ll do”. That is what I think sometimes In the depths of my heart In those moments of weakness That just tear me apart. In the depths of my soul Much deeper than this selfish position I see beyond the fear of loss, To my indecision. Beyond the feelings I have That want her to desperately stay, I hope God, You sweep her to heaven Because then she’ll be okay. No more pain and suffering That’s something I know You’ll give her But beyond getting a new body, It’s what she was meant for. This is not where I am suppose to be I would be delighted to reunite with You and be free If she has the chance to reach that goal It won’t be me who stops her soul. We were meant for something better Heaven is the place we should be. So if she must go, I will let her, Just not gleefully. Lisa Twellman, 2/28/05