Experiencing Cancer with God

O Lord, you are so awesome. I can’t move or breathe because I am captivated by your love. My heart was in anguish and you rescued me from my fear. My heart is full and overflowing and I can’t even contain how much I feel…God it’s spilling all over the place, it’s bubbling forth with so much joy. Your awesome presence in my life is exhilarating. In many ways, I still can’t see Lord-because I am nearly blinded by your light! God, how can I be afraid now? How can I ask you why? How can I ever question You? For once I am right in the fact that I can’t handle this, I am drowning. But with You, through You, and because of You I can do all things! You have taken my burden, I don’t have to do this alone…it’s not possible. But just knowing that my Lord will be ever faithful gives me a hope I could never imagine. I am so blessed, yet I deserve NOTHING. And I will hope in you Lord, I will hope in your plan for me, your will for me, your future for me…and the present you have given me. God, why me? Why have you blessed my life abundant with your goodness, love, and mercy? Why have you revealed yourself to me and given me the opportunity to be on my knees for you? Why have you blessed me with sight when for so long I was blind to your awesome plan and Holy purpose? Blind to the fullness of life. God, I will never stop praising you…in my darkest, lowest place I will praise your name and smile at your awesome love for me. I can barely even contain myself! I am a new person. Christ has changed my life in a way I never expected and that I could never comprehend. God you are so gracious! The love you have blessed me with is overflowing…a word I use so often right now, but nothing else can better describe me! I am overflowing with joy and peace and love and awe and fervor to serve God. It’s bursting forth and I want everyone to know it and feel it, because it is the most amazing and beautiful thing ever and everyone should have the opportunity to experience it. God, how did you transform a broken, confused, and utterly lost child like me into a fully consumed and humbled follower of Jesus Christ, burning from the inside out with Your message of love and mercy? I never even knew I was blind. I never even knew I was missing out for so long. I never knew I had an outer shell of protection that only gave so much. And I NEVER fully understood how liberating and moving it is to die to self for Christ. How killing everything in me, surrendering every piece of me could fill my heart and give me absolute and undeniable LIFE. I will not be afraid with Christ Jesus by my side, I will not waver in my love and faith and devotion…no matter what is taken away from me. I have said this before and I grasp it even more now-you can take away my love and my health and my life, and I will never stop praising the Lord Jesus Christ. Nothing can silence the praise on my lips for my Father in heaven, no amount of fear or darkness or isolation or brokenness. In fact, I will only praise Him more. I fully put my heart and soul into His Word and purpose for me because I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Praise the Father that I can honestly and joyfully proclaim, “to LIVE is Christ, to DIE is gain.” Philippians 1:21